Read Jurnalul unui om dezamăgit by W.N.P. Barbellion Online


"Unul dintre cele mai emotionante jurnale scrise vreodata", s-a spus despre cartea lui Barbellion. H.G. Wells, Raymond Queneau sau Emil Cioran erau fascinati de Jurnalul unui om dezamagit. Autorul a fost comparat cu Joyce si Kafka. Cartea facea furori printre intelectualii romani din interbelic. O citea, de pilda, Jeni Acterian, consemnand in propriul jurnal asemanarea ei"Unul dintre cele mai emotionante jurnale scrise vreodata", s-a spus despre cartea lui Barbellion. H.G. Wells, Raymond Queneau sau Emil Cioran erau fascinati de Jurnalul unui om dezamagit. Autorul a fost comparat cu Joyce si Kafka. Cartea facea furori printre intelectualii romani din interbelic. O citea, de pilda, Jeni Acterian, consemnand in propriul jurnal asemanarea ei cu Barbellion. In ciuda celebritatii sale, Jurnalul unui om dezamagit a ramas mult timp netradus in romaneste. Exceptionala versiune data de Anca Barbulescu unui text dificil si prefata lui Mircea Vasilescu incearca sa repare aceasta nedreptate....

Title : Jurnalul unui om dezamăgit
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9789735020187
Format Type : Paperback
Number of Pages : 360 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

Jurnalul unui om dezamăgit Reviews

  • Anna
    2019-02-27 10:21

    I decided to read ‘Journal of a Disappointed Man’ having come across an old Penguin copy on a market stall. (I have a very low resistance to rows of old Penguin paperbacks.) It is an extraordinary book, unlike any non-fiction I’ve read before. I was reminded a bit of Rilke’s novel The Notebooks of Malte Laurids Brigge, but this has the rawness of reality. The book is a diary, kept over years by a sickly young man who wishes to become a zoologist. His endeavours are frequently frustrated and his ill-health persists, coming to a crisis at the end of 1915 when he learns that he has multiple sclerosis. Realising that he is dying, he chronicles his thoughts and feelings about it, with a moving vividness that never descends into glum morbidity.Barbellion (a rather splendid pseudonym) writes alternately of his internal life and external events, although I found the former more striking. His diary isn’t simply written for his own satisfaction, but is intended for an audience. Thus he expresses a wish that someone, at some point, reads it, sympathises, and perhaps even understands. I found this especially moving, to be directly addressed in this way. I wanted to reassure Barbellion that, although I can’t imagine how terrible his suffering was, I certainly relate to his thoughts about life, death, and ambition. In particular, there is a point where he expresses frustration at not knowing ‘what I am worth’, which I’m sure many can relate to. I have had many moments of introspection when I’ve wondered what good I am and whether I have any talent for anything. This desire for success tempered with self-doubt is beautifully articulated by Barbellion.Although I highly recommend the journal, it is painful to follow Barebellion’s deterioration. He was just thirty when he died, after a life of perpetual illness and pain. His diary really conveys what a fascinating mind was imprisoned in a terribly weak body. It would be unreadable if it was unalloyed tragedy; what makes it truly memorable is the intense joy of life that accompanies the fear of impending death. It is a beautiful book, just do not expect to be in an especially light and sociable mood after reading it.

  •  Δx Δp ≥ ½ ħ
    2019-03-03 15:16

    What a beautiful book, a beautiful book. It's so honest and deep. Sad and tragic yet touching and life changing. I felt like a different person once I put it down. As I closed the book, I thought I lost a friend, a very very close-friend. Barbellion is my new hero.PS:You can read it for free here or here

  • Tom Williams
    2019-03-17 11:56

    Couldn't recommend this enough, probably the most underrated of modern literary classics. How can you beat this: "To me the honour is sufficient of belonging to the universe — such a great universe, and so grand a scheme of things. Not even Death can rob me of that honour. For nothing can alter the fact that I have lived; I have been I, if for ever so short a time. And when I am dead, the matter which composes my body is indestructible—and eternal, so that come what may to my 'Soul,' my dust will always be going on, each separate atom of me playing its separate part — I shall still have some sort of a finger in the pie. When I am dead, you can boil me, burn me, drown me, scatter me — but you cannot destroy me: my little atoms would merely deride such heavy vengeance. Death can do no more than kill you."

  • Nynke
    2019-03-10 17:10

    'If I go to a sculpture gallery, . . . I will be a sculptor. If I go to the opera, then I am going to take up music seriously. Or if I get a new beast . . . nothing else can interest me on earth, I think. But something does, and with a wrench I turn away presently to fresh pastures. Life is a series of wrenches, I tremble for the fixity of my purposes; and as you know so well, I am an ambitious man, and my purposes are very dear to me. You see what a trembling, colour-changing, invertebrate, jelly-fish of a brother you have . . .'

  • Vivien
    2019-02-23 11:17

    Hey, if H.G. Wells liked it enough to write a preface, it's got to be up my alley. So far, it's adorable... but I'm just in the teen years. I feel one of those moments coming on, where I feel total communion with an author. I greatly anticipate this.

  • Mike Lester
    2019-03-19 10:20

    Based on the title alone, I think I'm going to enjoy this.

  • Hasan Makhzoum
    2019-03-04 12:21

    I like the confessional poetry and writings. I have an interest in the exploration of an author's psyche and a penchant to delve into his intimate emotions and existential thoughts. It's probably an intellectual voyeurism (I just made up this expression).I was touched by Barbellion's diary that also reveals his maturity, though he died at the age of 30, 4 years older than Lermontov but much younger than Rimbaud..His diary expatiates on many aspects of the metaphysical interrogations and the psychological torments of a young man facing his inescapable death because of his excruciating illness. He also reveals his deep emotional fears and shares his existential dilemmas and, as a naturalist by passion, ponders upon many Scientific observations and studies..Barbellion's prose is poetic.. The poetry in his diaries could be read between the lines, in the way he expresses his emotions and impressions.. when describing his honest views and opinions on the issues of life, melancholy, anxiety, sadness and bitterness pervade through this book.Allow me this side note: Poetry could be assimilated to all subjects and could be found everywhere.In an extremely boring paper on the administrative decentralization in the European Law, the author wrote this: the world is like a house, with few more wallsMost probably, you will be intrigued by Barbellion's personal "dissection" of the human nature as much as I did, à la Nietzsche in the assumptions expressed in his philosophical aphorisms like in his famous opus Human All too Human. Here is an excerpt: I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all."For man also knoweth not his time; as the fishes that are taken in an evil net, and as the birds that are caught in the snare; so are the sons of men snared in an evil time, when it falleth suddenly upon them.The introduction by H.G. WELLS of the GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY Edition is great.(available as a free ebook online is an excerpt that I particularly like from his preface: Your egoist, like the solitary beasts, lives only for himself; your altruist declares that he lives only for others; for either there may be success or failure but for neither can there be tragedy. For even if the altruist meets nothing but ingratitude, what has he to complain of? His premises abolish his grounds of complaint. But both egoist and altruist are philosophical abstractions. The human being by nature and necessity is neither egoist nor altruist; he trims a difficult course between the two; for the most part we are, within the limits of our powers of expression, egotists, and our desire is to think and if possible talk and write about this marvellous experiment of ourselves, with all the world—or as much as we can conveniently assemble—for audience. There is variety in our styles. Some drape the central figure; some let it rather appear than call attention to it; some affect a needless frankness: "I am an egotist, mind you, and I pretend nothing else"; some by adopting a pose with accessories do at least develop so great and passionate an interest in the accessories as to generalise and escape more or less completely from self. An egotism like an eggshell is a thing from which to escape; the art of life is that escape. The fundamental art of life is to recover the sense of that great self-forgetful continuous life from which we have individually budded off. Many people have done this through religion, which begins with a tremendous clamour to some saviour god or other to recognise us and ends in our recognition of him; or through science, when your egotist begins with: "Behold me! I, I your humble servant, am a scientific man, devoted to the clear statement of truth," and ends with so passionate a statement of truth that self is forgotten altogether..

  • Alisu'
    2019-03-07 14:13

    "Sînt atît de adîncit în mine – în dispozitiile mele, în idei, în ticuri - , atît de absorbit de mine, încît nu pot să mă detaşez de date, să pun în ordine şi să clasific multitudinea de fapte şi astfel să conchid ce fel de om sînt. Mi-ar plăcea să ştiu – fie şi din pură curiozitate. Deci ce Dumnezeu sînt? Fireşte, în primul rînd un neghiob – dar restul diagnosticului?"

  • José Campos
    2019-02-23 18:16

    Esta mierda cambió básicamente mi vida para siempre.

  • Rhys
    2019-02-26 17:02

    One of the best books I have read this year and in fact one of the best books I have ever read. I believe that all readers who are interested in the human condition should read it. From the point of view of what it means to be a living person, it contains the spectrum of everything. Really amazing and I think it could be more than amazing: it could be an epiphany. It's one of the most quotable books I have ever read (as quotable as Cocteau; high praise indeed!) and also one of the most poignant. And it is totally relevant to everything that the philosophically-minded reader has probably been turning over in their own minds for years and years, our cosmic insignificance, the fact that life is terrible but worth living anyway, the nature of truth and falsity, etc, and because Barbellion goes through almost the whole range of possible feelings and views on every subject he raises, it feels like he has uploaded his soul onto the page and then we find that our own souls overlap with his at many points. It was a privilege to read this book, which I plucked at random from a library shelf, started reading with no special motivation but then with immense enthusiasm as I became completely captivated by the work.

  • Peter Timmermans
    2019-03-15 13:11


  • Dan
    2019-03-13 18:12

    Profoundly moving diary of a self-trained zoologist who died at age 30 in 1919 (the year this was published). The early sections contain observations and commentary on flora and fauna, the middle sections become more personal and literary as they chronicle his failing health, courtship and marriage, and the final section develops into a philosophical view of life and death. Frank and beautiful.

  • Marius
    2019-03-03 13:06

    „N-am decât douăzeci și opt de ani, dar în anii aceștia puțini am comprimat o viață destul de lungă: am iubit și m-am căsătorit și am o familie; am plâns și m-am bucurat, am luptat și am învins, iar când va veni ceasul voi fi mulțumit să mor.”

  • Gwynbleidd
    2019-02-22 15:52

    Such a despondent read... like the worst dream of a creative tormentor.

  • Wendelle So
    2019-03-13 12:01

    a haunting journal tracing the diarist's transformation from an aspiring zoologist to a patient dealing with the gradual effects of multiple sclerosis. He reminded me of the character 'Victor Frankenstein' in "Penny Dreadful": single-mindedly ambitious in making his mark in science and discovery, sensitively intelligent, and rather self-absorbed. He is full of youthful energy and grandiloquent pronunciations about love, death, and the meaning of life, but flits from one thoughtless romantic entanglement to another, and radiates with contemptuous conceit towards the 'ordinary' working-men that form the background of his impoverished surroundings, when he spares them a thought at all. But then one learns of his lack of formal education despite his deep desire to be an eminent academic zoologist, and one concludes that his conceit of specialness is all that rescues him from settling into misery from the impossibility of his social and medical conditions. It is a wonderful book to read from an eloquent young diarist from the Victorian era, in whose dreams, energies, loves, and ultimate defeat from an inevitable death we may recognize ourselves..

  • Brian Wasserman
    2019-02-24 15:57

    There is a reason this is ''grossly'' overlooked. The full name of the character is something like nero pontius pilate barbellion which I think is enough to tell you what you should expect from this book. Much of the content is pretentious, without enough unique or profound detail, you get the sense the author is pandering to critics. There are mentions of Schopenhauer, Wilde and Swedenborg which do little to impress me. The Author uses superficial allusions to them, not even offering great expositions, thoughts on their work. I think the idea of a diary as novel has potential, so maybe this novel may serve more to inspire and correct upon ideas which clearly didnt work.

  • Amber McCollum
    2019-02-25 11:56

    Wow. The man was a humorist if nothing else. While this journal did chronicle his battle with MS, it was a ultimately a love story.I was especially interested in the inadequacy of his treatment - arson and strychnine? It makes we wonder about MS treatment today, and if it is not as misguided and barbaric as poison. Ah, but we are doomed or blessed to live in the present. Come what may.

  • Kotoffs EDu
    2019-02-22 10:07

    o recitesc cu mare placere de fiecare data,

  • Silviu Reuț
    2019-03-22 15:18

    Nici nu-i de mirare că Cioran a fost fascinat de jurnalul ăsta, ținând cont că ,oartea și reacția omului în fața unei morți iminente sunt temele principale.Trecând peste momentele în care Barbellion chiar pare a se lamenta patetic, în stilul dulceag, pentru a atrage atenție, este o carte care trebuie citită în mod obligatoriu.

  • Herb Hastings
    2019-03-10 16:17

    I first read this book about 20 years ago. I found it a moving and powerful testament to human resilience and life. Rereading it now that I am older and recently faced to possibility of my own death, I found that I was absorbing this book as well as reading it.A quick summary. The author of this diary lived in the early years of the 20th century. From childhood his passion was zoology. He was so brilliant that he taught himself enough about this science to get a job at the British Museum. All the while he was also battling poor health. In the background, the First World War is raging. When he is called for military service, his doctor gave him a sealed letter to give to his medical examiner. In that more paternalistic age, his doctor never told him he had what we now call M.S. With no treatment or real understanding of this disease, this diagnosis was considered a sentence to a slow painful death. He is rejected by the military but takes a look at that letter and learns his fate. He had recently married and worries how to break this to his wife. The diary details this struggle. Later he learns that his doctor had told her before they wed, and suggested that she not go through with the marriage. The diary starts when he is 14 and covers his love and explorations of nature and his bouts of ill health. As he ages and becomes more sick, the diary takes on more of his musings about life and death and dissections of his personality.The challenge to any reviewer of this work is which of the moving and brilliant quotes to include. Here are mine."It is not death but the awful possibilities of life which are so depressing.""How I hate the man who talks about the "brute creation" with the ugly emphasis on brute. Only Christians are capable of it....I take jealous pride in my Simian ancestry. I like to think that I was once a magnificent hairy fellow living in the trees and that my frame has come down through the geologic times... Who would exchange these for the pallid couple in the Garden of Eden?""I suppose the truth is I am at last broken in to the idea of Death. Once it terrified me and once I hated it. But now it only annoys me.""When a doctor prays for your health you better call an undertaker."" Truth is I think I am in love with her, but I am also mightily in love with myself. One or the other has to give."" What a delightful thing the state of death would be if the dead passed their time haunting the places they loved in life....if death were one long indulgence in the pleasure of memory!"Finally a passage that should be read at loved ones funerals, "To me the honour is sufficient of belonging to the universe — such a great universe, and so grand a scheme of things. Not even Death can rob me of that honour. For nothing can alter the fact that I have lived; I have been I, if for ever so short a time. And when I am dead, the matter which composes my body is indestructible—and eternal, so that come what may to my 'Soul,' my dust will always be going on, each separate atom of me playing its separate part — I shall still have some sort of a finger in the pie. When I am dead, you can boil me, burn me, drown me, scatter me — but you cannot destroy me: my little atoms would merely deride such heavy vengeance. Death can do no more than kill you."I cannot do this book justice. Find a copy, read and savor it.

  • Deborah J
    2019-03-09 13:10

    I had never heard of this book when I picked it up in my favourite bookshop (though generally I want to read everything there, preferably in its charming cafe). The title is a bold one, but it didn't prepare me for an angry, self-centred, brutally honest diary of a clever, arrogant young man who feels he is disadvantaged by his class and his lack of formal higher education, though one can't help feeling that his very disagreeableness must at times have counted against him. What strikes home is that the preoccupations of a career and "getting on" really haven't changed in the past 100 years. Remarkably for a book of this period, the war (the first world war) is of secondary importance to the personal. The language is pompous and unnecessarily showy, presumably to impress on the reader the writer's great knowledge, but it is ultimately a touching final communication of a terminally ill young man whose ambitions and enthusiasms are beaten by a dreadful illness. An odd and infuriating but surprising read.

  • Pulp
    2019-03-08 13:03

    Acabé marcado por este libro. No quería que se terminara, así que fui lento y apreciando cada reflexión de Barbellion. Hay páginas que duelen y en términos generales uno se va embargado por la tristeza. Te parte el corazón ver cómo una mente brillante y un espíritu conmovedor se desvanecen. Pero "El diario de un hombre decepcionado" no es un simple tratado de la muerte y la enfermedad. Es mucho más que eso. Está lleno de vida. Y eso es lo admirable del autor. Que pese a las limitaciones y golpes constantes de las circunstancias, se las ingenia para llevarte a tierras hondas en donde aparece reflexiones profundas sobre lo que supone vivir. Es ahí en donde las palabras destacan por encima de las penurias (su venganza contra ellas) y se elevan hasta lugares donde nadie en bonanza y comodidad podría llegar.Quisiera abrazar a Barbellion. Ojalá hubiera forma de hacerle saber que su trabajo es admirado y respetado en la anomalía del siglo XXI. Ojalá uno pudiera darle ese consuelo.No podría relacionarme con nadie que le diera menos de cinco estrellas a estos diarios. No digo más.

  • Kate
    2019-03-15 15:22

    Off and on for the last month, I have lived inside the mind of an ambitious young entomologist at the British Museum as his body succumbed to multiple sclerosis against the backdrop of World War I. I knew his faults and understood his dreams, and then our communion shattered with the words: "Finis. Barbellion died on December 31."(As I now know, the writer, whose real name was Bruce Frederick Cummings, lived a little longer and was able to write more essays. I am relieved to know I haven't yet consumed the whole supply of his extant thoughts.)Here are a few lines to give you a sense of him:"Came across the following arresting sentence: 'Pale, anemic, cadaverous, bad teeth and disordered digestion and a morbid egotism.' Yes, but my teeth are not bad.""There is a poetic appropriateness that in A.D. 1915 I should be occupied mainly in the study of Lice. I like the insolence of it.""It is so ignoble to be tinkering about in a Museum among Scarabees and insects when I ought to be reflecting on life and death."

  • Fiona
    2019-03-16 12:08

    This is a very moving account of a man's gradual descent into ill health, eventually leading to death. Barbellion is at times incredibly honest, and you certainly get to see him 'warts and all', which I liked. If we are brutally honest, I believe that we all, like Barbellion, are a real mix of 'good and bad' when it comes to our thoughts, attitudes, desires etc. As I read the journal I felt like I was meeting the real man, not just the public persona.As someone who suffers from multiple sclerosis I found this book very poignant and rather sobering, but at the same time it was also very encouraging and uplifting. It highlighted for me the incredible progress that has been made in the management and treatment of this potentially debilitating disease.

  • Alexey
    2019-02-21 12:12

    Пока что лучшая книга в этом году.Мало кто владеет языком так хорошо, как автор этого дневника (не знаю, называть его Барбеллионом или настоящим именем), мало кому удается сказать так много почти ни о чем (о себе любимом и о смерти). Несколько абзацев мне до такой степени напомнили "Радугу гравитации", что я перепроверял, что я читаю, и, хотя Пинчон занят куда более абстрактными проблемами и метафорами, исход двух книг один и тот же: Война разгорается, миллионы людей соединены в порыве убивать друг друга, а на периферии где-то сидит отдельный человек, чье существование медленно разлетается на кусочки.

  • Kathy
    2019-03-06 11:57

    This book is very interesting in parts, as it gives a fascinating insight into life in Edwardian England. However, the young man's plight - that he is suffering from a progessive illness that causes his life to become increasingly restricted - makes it regrettably repetitive. He is naturally depressed about his condition, but his self-absorption is less interesting (to me, at least) than the external details of his life.

  • Mark
    2019-03-12 13:21

    This has the feel of an Edwardian blog, with the author striving to make something of himself, but frustrated by fate.There are delightful period details, and descriptions of ways of life that, at the time, would have been simple, clear and commonplace, but nowadays are long-gone and unexpected, such as calling for shaving water, to shave in the sitting-room of a boarding house, as the gas-light was better there.

  • Anitra
    2019-03-04 18:03

    Well, somehow I thought I'd reviewed this at length, and now it isn't there.I haven't the heart to do it all again, which is a shame, as it was an interesting book, with much to be said about it. I can't think my review contained anything offensive or controversial, so I'm at a loss to know what happened. I can't have imagined reviewing it...can I?

  • Gracia
    2019-03-21 10:52

    (A small quote from this great read features in this recent post of mine, High Up in the Trees: )

  • Lonely Shikari
    2019-03-02 10:21

    Первая половина книга великолепна: остроумно, забавно, интересно и живо написано. Но вторая топчется на месте, вполне отражая, конечно, увядающее состояние автора, но читать это становится невыносимо.